


Used To

by micehell



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Drama, Ficlet, Hints of abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-06
Updated: 2005-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-12 04:12:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micehell/pseuds/micehell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The memories were no longer discrete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Used To

The memories were no longer discrete; a mish-mash that came to John when he forgot to forget.  
  
\----the dip and swell, the scrunch of springs, caught in the wake as a weight settles on the  
mattress---  
  
\---Aaron's face, smiling at him as he said that John had to be Apollo because he looked like him. The curve of his own lips moving down, wanting to be Starbuck through and  
through---  
  
\---his mother's hand cool on his neck, warm on his forehead as he hunches over the toilet, stomach still heaving, but only the faint drip, drip, drip of tears disturbing the water  
below---  
  
\---hushed whispers behind the door, his father's, soft and wheedling. Loud shouts, his mother's, shrill, furious. "John..." "John..." "John..." a refrain, the weave of their voices a new verse in a song old as his  
memory---  
  
\---he looks at his models, the F15 his favorite, and if he stares hard enough, he's flying, he flying. He decides to stop fooling around in school, stop fooling around, do whatever it takes to be able to fly, fly  
away---  
  
\---the pain is so bad, and he's trying not to cry, boy's don't cry, his father said... "Lie still. It'll be over  
soon."---  
  
\---it's for the best, the look on Aaron's face when he pulls away, because John needs to be Apollo now. Needs to work hard, be serious. Obey his  
father---  
  
If he wants to fly away.  
  
::::::::::  
  
Rodney smiles. He's used to John's odd quirks now. How he can smile, and smile, and smile, and still be a... well, not a villain, but seriously mistaken all the same.  
  
Rodney's used to the occasional flinch. To the rare dream, the one without the Wraith, that still leaves John shaking. To the way John looks at him afterwards.  
  
He's used to the way John fights. Used to watching the smile turn real, as a strong will masked in drawling charm, in snark and snipe, in shameless flirting, takes delight in all those things.  
  
Rodney smiles because he's used to John, and John's used to him, and their fights always mean more and less than they can say. "Argue all you want, Major. It doesn't change the fact that there's no way you're Apollo, regardless of a certain similarity in coloring. You're definitely Starbuck, through and through."  


/story


End file.
